25 September 2013

Perhaps You Were Premature in Being So Direct...


I really do appreciate that my boss was upfront with me and gave me fair warning regarding my terminal case of temporary employment. I also understand that employers usually wait to tell an employee that s/he is let go so they don't come down with a serous case of the Fuckits. 


I'm not sure how - or even why - I should try to mitigate how very few fucks I give right now. I'm barely containing my urge to tell the Mean Girls around me exactly what sort of under-rock sludge they are, and then ideally backhand them with my engagement ring. On the other hand, that is not my style, and perhaps more importantly, I don't fancy an arrest record. Sadly, life is not an episode of Dynasty. Alexis Carrington would not stand for this shit, I tell you what.

So I have projects to continue/complete and in appreciation for her candor, I told my boss I'd ensure that my processes were documented and saved in multiple places. From where this generosity grows  I know not. If I were vindictive, I could completely dismantle their entire SharePoint site, demolishing projects, and sending the department into a tailspin of agony. After all, they hired me under a job description that was not even remotely akin to what I have done, offered zero guidance, and expected me to self-educate on the dinosaur that is SharePoint (which I did), so that they would pawn it off on anyone else. Really, I have a lot of justification for exploring my options regarding revenge.

Sadly, I won't do any of it. I'm not that person. I can't be outwardly mean, I could never morally justify completely screwing someone else over, because lord knows it won't even make the major players in this saga blink; some poor schmuck hired to replace me will be forced to clean up whatever mess I leave. And that's just indefensible, as most of my job has been trying to clean up - or mitigate the effects of - the messes of others. 

Somehow, I incurred the dislike of the department director's sociopathic secretary, the one who casually told me she had gonorrhea one day. I didn't trust her or her mean girl minions, and therefore made no effort to chitchat and bullshit and invite gossip about my boss. I was never rude, always cheerful, and consistently placative. She, however, didn't like my hair, my clothes, and most definitely not my engagement ring (which she insists is fake - it is since I don't support the diamond trade, but there's no way this bitch could tell this was moissanite and not hardened carbon). I know all this because she sits ten feet from me and is overly confident in her ability to whisper. And I also know she has her boss's ear.

Her boss is a 45-year-old married mother of two who I shall call Patricia Bateman. 

"Red? Or blue?" 

She's the sort of person who is so adept at not doing anything worthwhile that she spends her days shopping for Lily Pulitzer online, but her secretary has to make ObGyn appointments for her. Yes, this is a reminder to cubicle workers - people cannot magically turn off their ears.

So now I can't even muster the strength to pretend to do my job. I have zero desire to complete anything remaining over my head, and desperately just want to drop it all in that sociopath's lap. 

Instead, I will likely muster some sort of manufactured front, half-ass my facial expression, and trudge forth, because ultimately, I need the next 30 days' pay. 

The worst part of all of this is that I well and truly tried. I came in for every 7 a.m. meeting, and worked extra days to ensure things went well. I struggled with the politics and the gatekeeping and the secrecy, but I got my work done. I hoped that I was better suited for corporate life than the helter-skelter non-profit world, but it seems I might not fit either place, despite my best efforts.

Friends have encouraged me to start my own business, but in what? Misanthropy and sarcasm are only bankable skills if you're some sort of Brett Easton Ellis, and he's a terrible writer. 

1 comment:

  1. I feel your pain, been through all the same stuff. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in at jobs, hence my checkered CV lol. I think your too smart for a lot of these roles and management fear anyone smarter than them. Opening your own business is a brilliant idea, you would be your own boss which is always a plus. Im thinking of starting a political betting business... I know it sounds mad everyone tells me so, but it's what Im good at so I might give it a go, if it works out your always welcome to come and work with me. From just reading this post I can see your a talented writer, you could try your hand at journalism?

    In the meantime don't let those people get you down, your better than them and you know it, they know it as well. Chin up and pity them for their stupidity!

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